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The Body Love Series: Be Kind To Yourself Today

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Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Be understanding. Be patient.

I think we all push ourselves too much sometimes and forget to treat ourselves with the care we would extend to someone else. I know I used to try to do everything, cram way more into a day than there were hours and cheat on my sleep often.  Beat myself up about what didn’t get done. And now…I just don’t. I can’t. I won’t.

I used to be able to get by on 7 hours of sleep. Now my body needs between 8-9 or I just don’t function well the next day. Less than 8 hours and I will have brain fog all day. Not that I’m-tired-and-would-love-a-nap-but-can-still-function kind of thing. More like I can’t get anything done at all. If I have 2 days in a row of less than 8 hours of sleep, I will have talking and walking difficulties from my Gluten Ataxia – so enough sleep is vital in my life.  I have accepted this as my new normal. It is what is needed for me to be a productive person – to put my energy out to the world in  a way that feels right to me. The more caring I can be to my body, the more caring I can be as a person out in the world.

The more I have been doing lately tying to get out there working again, thinking up projects and writing and brainstorming, the more often I need 10 hours of sleep. I told a few people this and they were stunned.  And this isn’t a sleeping-in-kinda-thing or the exhaustion I used to get when first trying to heal my autoimmunity …this is deep, restorative sleep. I wake up ready to go.  I have learned to have a conversation with my body, to truly know what it needs to re-energize.  And if my body needs extra TLC right now, I am going to give it to it. And not feel lazy. And not feel like I am sleeping in and should jump out of bed and be doing something immediately. And not feel like I need to cram more into my day to make up for sleeping later. I am honouring where my body needs to be right now. And I am structuring my life around what my body needs.

I am not going to be sleeping 10 hours per night the rest of my life. But right now I am. And that’s ok.  Just as I am doing my health homework during my waking hours, I believe allowing my body to properly rest and heal at night is doing my health homework during my sleeping hours!  I am still working with my healthcare practitioners to heal many aspects of my body and I have learned to enjoy this up and down journey. It sure as hell is not a drive on a straight highway!  I tend to envision this journey taking place  in a brightly coloured convertible with my hair flowing in the wind, great tunes playing on the radio laughing my ass off, butterflies in my stomach from the big hills…

So I ask you today to honour your body today for where it’s at. For what it needs. For how it feels. Take a moment to listen to it and literally have a Body Love Conversation with it. There are so many answers and peaceful moments when we honour what we truly need and forget about what everyone else is doing.  Wishing you a beautiful day.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

Welcome to The Body Love Series: Time to Start a Body Love Conversation!

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Something happened when my body completely fell apart.

I ended up loving it even more than I thought possible.

And the more grateful I became, the more I started to stare at my newly working body parts in awe and wonder and thanked them regularly for the gifts they gave me. My eyes and ears became even more in tune to all the negative body image hype sent our way, all the messages blaring through headlines and TV and articles and ads telling me what wasn’t good enough, what needed fixing, what needed replacing.  What needed to be traded in or cast aside.

The energy felt so…wrong.

After several years of not being able to move much and when I could not very well, I really appreciate when my not-so-toned body helps me walk down the street to the grocery store, when my imperfect belly helps me get up out of a chair, when my kinda squishy arms allow me to hug someone. Having not been able to communicate properly with various combinations of slurring and stuttering and forgetting what I was going to say, I feel as though I have several years of speaking to catch up upon!  I say this literally – not figuratively – I want to climb to the top of a mountain and shout to everyone…

YOUR BODY ROCKS!

RIGHT HERE!

RIGHT NOW!

Body image issues have always been important to me. I have had the honour and privilege of being a plus-size/curvy model for over 20 years while working to make changes in fashion that count everyBODY in, and I have been speaking with girls’ groups for years helping them rethink how they think about the messages that bombard them daily.  And the longer my health time-out lasted with Hashimoto’s & Gluten Ataxia, the more it increased my want to speak up more about our need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

You know what really got me?  All those Before & After photos out there in which  people put themselves down. When I could barely move or walk I would stare at them and think how we have been taught to shame the person, the body, that brought us to today.  I wanted to hug all the “Befores” and tell them,” You are amazing. You carried this person all this way. You loved her. You protected her. You did the best you could. Ok, you may have made some mistakes but we all do.  Even the “Afters” do! You are a superstar and I admire you….throughout time, throughout phases and stages. You are you always and you are amazing. ”

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Can we all use some tune-ups?  Absolutely. Is tweaking aspects of your life a good thing? Yes, it totally is!  Are major changes sometimes necessary? For sure. Is eating well a good idea? Hells yes. Should we get active? Yes!  But the key is making changes from a place of body love – not disgust, not shame – not by putting ourselves down. My motto is this:  We need to speak to ourselves, to our bodies like we would a small child. Build it up with love and kindness. Smiles. Laughter. Joy. Isn’t life way more fun that way?

So technically I still can’t climb a mountain…or even many stairs (you can bet I am working on it) in order to shout YOUR BODY ROCKS! But I can create a Body Love Conversation with you here…on my website…on social media…in the press…and would love for you to join in on the #BLC (that’s the cool hashtag you can use to join the convo!)

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Join me for regular Mantra Mondays posts – the link will always be on my homepage – or sign up for my newsletter at the top of this page to get regular Body Love Blasts sent your way. Check out my Instagram & Facebook for a regular dose of Body Love. And I am excited to start speaking with you regularly on Periscope too! I am particularly excited about #BLC Wednesdays Twitter Convos which will feature incredible Body Love guest hosts which will take place on my @liisonlife Twitter page Wednesday February 17th, March 2, 16 and 30th. My inspiring guests will include beauty expert Janine Falcon (@JanineFalcon) of beautygeeks (catch her on the first chat),  athlete and founder of Born to Reign Athletics (@btrathletics) Krista Henderson, Editor-in-chief of DARE magazine (@daremagcanada), Diana Di Poce, and Meghan Bradley, Director of Curvy Expo (@curvyexpo). Will be sure to keep you up to date on all the details as the series unfolds! (No RSVP required!)

I am really looking forward to chatting with you through The Body Love Series. Together we can change the #BLC.

Liis xo!

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: There Is No “Small” Accomplishment

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February 1, 2016 was a ridiculously awesome day.

I did one push-up.

Let’s back this up shall we…

I used to be an avid  bootcamper. Lunges. Squats. Ab work from hell. And tons of push-ups. Lots and lots of push-ups.  I remember being on a shoot in 2009 and the make-up artist was adding some lotion to my legs.  They were rock solid. So were my arms and well, my butt. I was curvy but solid. She flipped out. She had never met a model with such muscle. I was quite proud because for me I didn’t do those sessions to lose weight, to change my size, to have a ripped body. I did those classes because I felt great, because I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, because they made me feel strong – mentally and physically.

I left every class in an exhausted, steamy haze of sweat – and I loved it! And here is the funny thing…every single person in my class did regular weigh-ins and measurement checks. I didn’t. (I was told I was the only woman in the history of the class not to!)  Those numbers weren’t fuelling me. My newfound strength and sense of accomplishment were fuelling me. As a model, I did have to take my measurements here and there in order to provide that information to clients needing to book a particular size but I never let this define me. One day I had to take my hip measurement for a clothing client that needed to know if a sample pair of pants would fit me….and I realized my hip size had increased…due to my behind becoming more defined from lunges! I thought it was hilarious that I was the only woman in the class loving the fact that her hip measurement  got b-i-g-g-e-r instead of smaller. It still amuses me.

When my workouts started to become impossible in 2011 due to Hashimoto’s, one of the first major difficulties I had was arm strength. I went from being able to crank out push-ups to feeling like my arms were jello. My push-ups left the building in 2011 and it has taken many years to get mobility, feeling and strength from my elbows down through my hands. I have been trying – weekly – to get my push-ups back.

I was in Venice Beach in LA in 2012 and was frustrated and pissed off I could no longer do a push-up. I had no idea at the time that Gluten Ataxia was attacking the messaging from my brain to my body parts, no idea that my system was going to shut down in a way I could not even fathom. I remember telling my friend Shelli that I just wanted to be able to do one. Just one. And she said,”Let’s do some. Right here. Right now. Your body needs help remembering how to do it.” And she practically lifted me in and out of 3 of them. Okay….she DID lift me in and out of 3 of them!  But I was so happy. It felt good. I love this photo because it is sheer triumph and joy, messy hair and all!

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Since then I have kept trying to get strength back and there have been so many tears of sheer determination shed and also many of sheer frustration. The one form of movement that I have been able to make work in my world has been mat Pilates which I have been taking Monday nights for as long as I can remember with my amazing and supportive teacher Svetlana. I had developed so much strength and so many skills over the years and I lost them all in the last few years and instead of starting from scratch, I started at a level way below where I had been years earlier.  She has seen me through so many stages! After my physiotherapy with Neuro-fit Systems in late 2014, I thought my arms were finally starting to get the messaging from my brain to M-O-V-E. Since January 2015 after returning from 3 months of physio, I have tried to do a push-up (with my knees on the ground)  at every Monday class and regularly at home. I celebrated a little bend of my arm. It took me almost an entire year to bend all the way down before collapsing.

I thanked my teacher before the 2015 Christmas holidays and I told her I was going to get my push-up back in 2016. And I warned her that when it happened, I may just yell in class and was apologizing ahead of time for the disturbance to the zen. She told me she expected and looked forward to me celebrating.

And last night, I got my push-up back.

(No, not a proper military one – no need to be cocky right now!)

I really wasn’t expecting it.

It was a gift out of the blue…

…6 years in the making!

I tried to be quiet. I really did. But 6 years of pent up frustration and joy and wonder and gratitude came spilling out and I think I did some form of a yelping victory shout just as Svetlana was watching me come out of the push-up. She knew what was happening and was grinning before I uttered a sound. My classmates all threw me loving words of congratulations. And then I went into child’s pose and wept and wept and slimed my mat with joyous tears. The rest of the class was a blur – literally – I kept crying and couldn’t see anything!

And something so “little” is so life changing. So empowering. Such a stunning, gorgeous gift to receive. Doing one push-up is quite easily one of my life’s greatest accomplishments.  Who knew one little action could mean so much?

I find it amazing as I am launching my Body Love Series, that I get this amazing gift.

So, when there is talk about weight and size and jumping on scales and counting calories and BMI this or that….I just want to say….who cares? I just did my first push-up in 6 years. My body is perfect. And so is yours. Ridiculously, amazingly perfect. No number on a scale, no size on the back of a bathing suit could ever be sweeter to me than my one push-up.  Can we change diet talk to accomplishment talk please?

Looking forward to having you join The Body Love Conversation and sharing your ideas, thoughts and journey.  Use the hashtag #BLC so we can all hear what you want to share.

So I Did A TEDx Talk…

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I love TED and TEDx talks. Ever since I first discovered them I was hooked and in the back on my mind I thought,”I want to do one of those one day.” I’ve been able to see people I admire speak about their lives and experiences or been introduced to individuals I had never heard of before but after their talks had me madly Googling them to find out more.The first one I viewed will always resonate with me and I have watched it countless times – Aimee Mullins: It’s not fair having 12 pairs of legs.  Aimee is so incredible on so many levels and I love speaking of her, sharing her images and her point of view with children when we talk about body image and self-esteem. Amanda Palmer: The Art of Asking is so brilliantly delivered that it upped the game for every presentation I saw after. I was completely smitten by Ron Finely’s A Guerilla Gardener in South Central LA talk. Have watched it numerous times and it is powerful yet amusing. You have to catch Brene Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability. And one that deeply touched my soul and had me tearing up was Monica Lewinsky: The price of shame.  Incredible. I tried to hug her through the computer.

I put it out to the universe that I wanted to do a TEDx talk by the end of 2015…and then I got an email in February…asking me to do a TEDx talk. I almost fell off my chair.  (I need to keep manifesting!) I was invited by Craig Zimmer, an incredible teacher,  who has been sharing his passion for TED talks with his students, school – and the entire school board –  through the TEDxStMaryCSS event and the TEDEdClub. I love that he is encouraging the next generation to speak up with confidence! I figured I had until June 5, the date of the event, to get my body and brain working better together while healing from gluten ataxia.  Lots of time I thought.  After many revisions, I decided to entitle my talk An Exploration of Identity and take the audience through the journey I had been on that had opened my eyes to so many lessons. I thought I was doing well as the date was approaching…even if my walking was still not up to par, my brain seemed to be working better. I just needed my brain and my mouth to work on that stage for less than 2o minutes and all would be fine.

However, the more I spoke aloud and practiced, the more scrambled my brain got. My brain is still building up its motor skills and connections and speaking was taking me down. Leading up to the talk, I was slurring my words, stuttering, flipping words in sentences and was unable to remember anything that was not in chronological order.  My head hurt in a way it had never hurt before – not a headache….like someone who was injuring herself by repeating an action.  I was sobbing in my friend Shelli’s arms in my kitchen 2 days before my talk. Not only did I not think I would physically be able to do it, I questioned if I would ever be able to give a talk or work on TV ever again.  I explained to my friend that it felt like a runner trying to complete a marathon on a broken leg in a cast – could it be possible? Yes. Would it lead to long term injury? Probably. Would it be a very good idea? No. It must be noted that Shelli is a complete and utter rock star and has literally hugged my soul daily throughout this journey.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

I asked if I could speak at the event first and meticulously planned what I ate that morning and when, when I meditated and drove there in silence. Eating with precise timing helped stave off severe blood sugar issues which would also lead to severe brain fog, stuttering and slurring. Knowing I could speak first meant I knew my food would help keep my brain operating and I would not have to worry about how the day’s timing unfolded. I wouldn’t have to worry about how much I spoke with others or how much I walked because both would take up a lot of energy needed for the talk. I did anything and everything to calm down my brain. And I made the executive decision to eliminate all slides. It may sound simple to talk while clicking the remote in order to pull up a few pictures but for me that seemed the equivalent of running backwards while patting my head and rubbing my belly while trying to tell a joke. I asked if I could put up a few bullet points on the prompter instead. I could. I exhaled. Salvation.

I am really proud of my TEDx talk – for standing up there and simply speaking. I climbed a mountain to get there and presenting it was a sweet-as-all-hell gift. It didn’t matter to me if I was standing or sitting – I just wanted to speak. I literally spent all summer after that looking into getting a scooter wheelchair because I just kept getting utterly exhausted – and I realized that being able to speak meant more to me than walking everywhere.  Every day became a day of bartering with my motor skills. Ok, you want to use this motor skill?  You’ve got to give up these ones for the rest of the day. You want to use several motor skills today?  You will need to nap for the rest of the week… I wanted my energy….to speak…to be me…to express myself to the world, share my thoughts and ideas – and I did not care anymore if I was standing or sitting. Where once I was completely gutted by the thought of sitting in a scooter, I started to get really excited. I could feel the wind whipping through my hair on the path by the beach and pictured myself buzzing around airports going places. I looked up rentals at The Louvre and figured I would have an advantage and actually see way more incredible art on a scooter! THAT got me really excited. And I was introduced to the magic of an electric bike which further opened up my world of possibilities. If it could conserve my energy to be able to speak and communicate and socialize more, and enjoy more moments,  it would be worth it to sit more often.  I realized even more so how much I truly loved and valued my brain and the thoughts in it and the expression my lips could convey to the world.

What a hell of a way to truly know body love and to appreciate every single day on this planet!  I continuously tweak my “health homework” and made some more health changes at the end of the summer that have helped turn my energy levels around.  Every day has been a gift in more mobility, increased energy, better brain function and creativity. I know healing will be an ongoing process for quite some time but I am overjoyed with the changes and revel in walking a little longer as each month passes. I am so beyond honoured to have been able to present this talk and now know that my desire to get out there and do more talks is possible. Bring. It. On. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch my TEDx talk. Every view means more to me than I could ever convey. And please…

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Love yourself more.

Hug your soul more.

Tell your body it is amazing regularly.

Stare at your body parts in wonder.

Stop stepping on a scale every day.

Don’t worry about what size you are.

Thank your body for its magnificence.

Know that you are ridiculously amazing throughout all time and space.

You are utterly perfect – never forget it.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

 

Pay Attention to the Little Heath Things…They Are Never Little

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I had a few big smiles this week. From little things. Little things that are big things. Like so many people, I didn’t realize how many parts of me were falling apart and leading to bigger health issues – and they are all “little things” I hear so many people comment upon weekly.

Before I got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in 2011 and really started to revamp my health, “health things” would crop up but because they are so commonplace in our everyday culture, language and acceptance, I chalked them up to what gets added to your body’s health pile as you get older. But now I realize that uhh….hell to the no….this isn’t supposed to happen! Grey hair? Yes.  Wrinkles and laugh lines? Sure. A multitude of everyday problems? NO!

This week I wore earrings twice. Big deal you’re thinking. It actually is a very big deal. All my friends know me as an accessory addict – I love jewellery.  But I had got to a point that my ears would be on fire from wearing earrings for even a few minutes – didn’t matter what they were made of. When I had to wear some for modelling shoots, I would grin and bear it and rip them off as soon as possible.  So I haven’t worn earrings for years.

My body has been on high alert for so many years and it is just now starting to calm down. All the goodness I have been fueling it with by eating gluten-free and Paleo, taking the right supplements for my body, changing my household and beauty products to healthier versions is paying off.  Thinking about stressors in my life and keeping them to a minimum is making a difference – this covers everything from work to my social life to how I talk and think, making sure to meditate daily, getting enough sleep. I liken my body to a frightened cat thrown into freezing water that needs a loving, calm hand to pet it to calm it down, hug and cuddle it – let it know its safe.  My body is now realizing it is safe and in good hands.

So, aside from the multitude (the list is HUGE) of improvements from addressing Hashimoto’s, Endometriosis and Gluten Ataxia, here are some “little things” that have changed in my world that used to occur frequently and I had, like many of you perhaps, accepted as my daily norm. They are all now gone.

Seasonal Allergies – I used to be a mess every spring – stuffy nose, head and face aches, fogginess, overall feeling like crap.

Pet Allergies – I literally did not touch anyone’s pets for years and if I did and then touched my face, I would feel awful for days. Or, I would pet a dog and then have to immediately wash my hands. Having an adorable cat nuzzle my face or sit in my lap?  Forget it!

Reaction to Jewellery – My skin started to react to everything. I remember wearing a necklace in 2011 and having the imprint seared to my skin for a week (and it wasn’t a cheap one!) Earrings would cause my ears to turn beet red and I could never wear them for more than half an hour before having to rip them off.

Acid Reflux – I started taking antacids regularly – several times per week. I started to make up rules like “no orange juice past 4:00” or “no salsa around dinnertime” as it would literally keep me up all night with acid burning my throat. It could leave me coughing for days from the burning. I literally started to make “acid rules.” How crazy is that?

Constant Colds – I think it’s easier to say I was a walking cold versus trying to tell you how many I had in a year.  Before 2011, I remember being sick all the time – colds lingered for months. I would joke that I had wet lung because I literally would have a constant wheezing cough. Looking back, it really wasn’t something to joke about.  I have had the sniffles for exactly 2 days since 2011 and no colds, no flu.

Runny Nose – Growing up, I would joke with my family because I never had a runny or stuffy nose. I rarely needed tissue and would never bring any with me as I watched others stuff their pockets with them to have handy. As I got diagnosed, I realized my wastebaskets were constantly full of tissues and the amount had steadily increased over the years.  I was literally blowing my nose all the time. I was a snotty disaster. No more.

Frequent Weather Headaches – Any time there would be a big build-up to a thunderstorm, I would get blinding headaches – in-bed-in-the-dark-don’t-talk-to-anyone-eyes-welded-shut-I-am-going-to-vomit headaches. I would happily await a downpour as I knew this would help bring relief. I coined them “barometric pressure headaches.” I literally wanted someone to create a barometric pressure chamber to relieve me of the pain. I know so many people who have weather related headaches. Upon going gluten-free in 2011, my weather headaches vanished. Never had one since.

Anything sound familiar?  Anything sound like something you have accepted as part of your everyday life? I have realized something really important in my health journey…

An accepted norm doesn’t mean something is normal.

No more letting “little things” add up. Little things are always big things. Our bodies give us a million and one warning signs when they need help. It’s amazing but we pay more attention to blinking lights on our car dashboards alerting us to maintenance issues than similar warnings given to us by our bodies.  We get our cars into service shops as soon as possible so they don’t break down! Hmm….

Happy for the health homework that has brought me to today and for the tweaks that continue to improve my life.  Here is to cuddling with cute pets…in the spring…while wearing earrings, during bad weather – but not while eating salsa – that would be kinda awkward….and a little gross and probably messy…

Sharing Some Great Meditation Techniques

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Meditation has saved me a million times over.  There is no way I would have got through my healing journey without it.  When my brain and body seemed to be operating in another universe, meditation would bring everything back into focus. I would literally sneak meditation in whenever and wherever I could in an attempt to calm my system down – in change rooms, in the car, in bathrooms! With my gluten ataxia, I could literally stumble down the street to the beach, exhausted from the energy it took to make my limbs move, meditate for an hour, and walk home perfectly fine. It was that powerful.

It has become a morning ritual for me – as important as brushing my teeth. I don’t leave home without doing it. Some days it may only be a quiet five minutes, other days it may be much longer.  And visualization is a big part of my world too. I am a firm believer that if we want to build anything, it starts in our minds first.  Also a major part of my healing journey.

I recently had a great chat with Dwight Hurst, the owner and director of Innovate Mental Health Solutions in Utah and the creator and host of The Broken Brain Podcast – an interview series about psychology, mental health, treatment, and all things brain related.  Talking about how meditation helped fix my broken cranium seemed like a great fit!

We explore lots of tips and techniques to try – we are all built differently so perhaps an idea will resonate with you and you might give it a try. As we both agreed, there is no right way to meditate!  The right way is the way that works for you.

Take a listen by clicking below. Thanks Dwight for the great chat and for all you do for brain and mental health!

Happy meditating everyone.

Namaste.

Freedom On Two Wheels – And Another Aha Moment Too…

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Every time I think my major life lessons are over another one hits me upside the head and says,”See?  You still have some major awesome stuff to learn!” I sit in the new energy often through lingering vibes of pissed-offedness (because some of my biggest breakthroughs seem to come through while feeling like utter crap) mixed with the sheer and utter gratefulness of another major “aha moment.”  I usually smile and sit in silent wonder thinking how the latest breakthrough has made a major impact on my being – and by being I mean my soul as a being and my everyday way of being –  how I will now go forward on this planet with my new knowledge every day until the day I move on over to the other side. Then I start grinning a lot. The grinning part is so much more fun than the frustrated part…

There is a quote by Pema Chodron that I discovered a few years back which has guided me and cradled me in some confusing and frustrating and painful times.  Every time I get cocky thinking my health journey is over…

I’ve got this!

I’m a rock star!

I am on fire!

Buh-bye autoimmunity!

…and do a little too much and am zapped – either can’t walk properly, start slurring my words, my brain shuts down, can’t leave the house, can’t be social, or all of the above and then some, or have an experience that teaches me even more appreciation and gratitude, I reflect on this quote and ponder what my latest lesson has taught me – how it’s made me a better person, how the ripple effect of the lesson will reach into the rest of my life and how my changed perception will in turn trickle out to others.

Ready?

Good right? I know. Sit with it. I’ll wait.

These words of wisdom hit me yet again about a month ago.  I had the honour of meeting a new friend who was house sitting next door. Jayne is sweet and vibrant and owns a sassy new seafoam green Pedego electric bike perfectly matching her bubbly personality. What I didn’t realize at first is that she also has mobility issues.  Or that her bike had opened up a new world of freedom for her. She looked so sporty in her bike helmet. She looked so happy showing off Sedna – that’s the bike’s name FYI – formally known as Sedna Seafoam. ( A bike with this much mojo has to be named after a goddess)

She offered me a turn on her bike several times and I politely kept putting it off. Deep down I realized there was no way I could pedal a bike and make it around the block without losing all energy. Then one day the universe intervened – the bike had a flat and I offered to help her take it in my car to get fixed. As we stood with the newly repaired bike in the parking lot, she said with a twinkle in her eye,”You really should take it for a short spin to try it out.”  Sooo…I got on…and had no idea how much the electricity could carry me. I was in shock. And awe. And I burst out crying from happiness. In a few moments, I felt a multitude of possibilities open up.

I took the bike out for a spin the next day.  Just putting on the bike helmet was thrilling. This simple act made me feel active.  I used the throttle mostly so I didn’t have to pedal much and made sure not to stay out too long because I really had no idea how much energy I would need. I hit the path along the lake I used to walk along several days a week for years. I would always do a loop hitting a magical little pocket in the heart of the city surrounded by glimmering water. It felt like being in cottage country without the massive tax bill. It was always heaven – like finding treasure right in your backyard.

As I passed a particular point on the beach, a wave of revelation hit me. I realized I had not been able to walk past this spot since…2011.  Five years. Five years of feeling like a dog tethered to a very short leash.  My body and brain had allowed a limit of up to a thirty minute walk on a good day. And every time I tried to reach a further destination, or walk a little longer, I was always yanked back. But not this day.  This day I had wheels. And no leash.

I circled pathways ten times over that I haven’t been able to visit in years. I marvelled at the beauty of the boats in the marina. I looked at the city skyline framed by the sun and lake. I passed one guy fishing and by the sixth go-round, he was staring at me with amusement. By the tenth pass I think he thought I was spying on him – or about to steal his fish. I freaked out picnickers as I circled them numerous times and could see the “You again?!” looks on the faces of joggers.  And I looked really rather goofy with the biggest grin plastered to my face (and err….ate some bugs too). It was a giant can of awesome.

liis-on-life-pedego-electric-bike

Emotions and a multitude of thoughts bombarded me along the way…

And I realized several things on a deep soul level I needed to know…

Freedom of movement makes you feel empowered and alive.

 

The importance of actions revealing what is in your soul – feeling athletic, looking athletic. Even if I wasn’t really pedalling, my soul was pedalling. 

 

 

Being perceived as the active person you know yourself to be.

 

 

The importance of feeling the wind kissing your face, sunshine beaming down on you and inhaling fresh air.

 

The need to feel like we belong and not being cut off from the world. Smiling at toddlers on their killer trikes navigating the bike path. Happily making eye contact with a lovely older gentleman who tips his hat as you bike past.  Watching a family bent on a picnic day try to ignite their little barbecue – ten times over.

 

More freedom.

 

Feeling like YOU. The active YOU that has got stuck for some time. The YOU you want to world to know.  The REAL YOU.

 

My mind exploded with ideas.  In less than half an hour, I realized I could travel the world if my body couldn’t carry me long or far enough. I could visit the streets of Amsterdam and see the beautiful canals again, explore back roads of small towns, go around the lake every single day. I could buy bikes for those in need in the future –  opening up pathways of freedom the same way I have got to experience. All the visions in my head were of smiling faces – freedom mixed with sheer joy. In thirty minutes, my entire world opened up to new possibilities – simply by riding a bike.

Yesterday I picked up Sedna and have the honour of hanging out with her for a whole two weeks. I could pinch myself. Ok, I did pinch myself!  And after making some more health changes over the last few weeks, I am so excited to have more energy.  I am so jazzed to see if I can pedal a bit more! But more than anything, I am so grateful for another major “aha” moment I wouldn’t have had in perfect health. To have hit an even deeper level of gratitude.  To have a lesson in joy and aim to bring that joy to others in whatever way I can going forward. To let my joy settle in my soul. I am so honoured to have been able to experience a multitude of lessons that were revealed to me in a beautiful bike named Sedna.

And now I am going for another spin…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Good Ole Cry Is Healthy For the Mind, Body & Soul

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Remember when you were a kid and you would finish bawling your eyes out and your mom or dad would tenderly say,”All done now?  Feel better?”  You would whimper, shake your head up and down to say YES, suck back a few last gulps of air, wipe the snot off your face and a big, loving, parental hand would wipe the tears from your face. Maybe you were overtired. Maybe you were frustrated. Maybe your were disappointed. Maybe you were sad. Maybe you were overwhelmed. Maybe you were mad. Maybe you had no idea what was wrong but your tears sparked a conversation getting to the root of the matter. This wasn’t an Oscar worthy performance to get your way with something. This was a genuine expression of emotion. And that genuine expression of emotion was valued, honoured and respected by your parent.

So when did it become so CRAZY and WEIRD and WRONG to bawl your eyes out once in a while?  To release emotions and physical overload your mind, body and soul needs to set free to the universe?  To release whatever your body needs to release so it doesn’t settle into your cells, into your mitochondria and cause future states of dis-ease and blockages?  (Don’t get me wrong – if you are bawling daily, you need to get yourself to a loving healthcare provider that can get to the root of your dis-ease – you deserve big smiles daily!)

I’ve had an interesting journey with crying over the last few years. I knew it wasn’t from being depressed, moody, sad or from hormonal changes with Hashimoto’s. When I had tried to get through a Pilates class and do certain moves, I would start crying – partly from frustration but the majority of it was a natural response. When I would try to lift my limbs in certain ways that were impossible, I would involuntarily start to cry. It wasn’t until I was in physiotherapy with the incredible team at Neuro-fit Systems for my gluten ataxia that I put the why-the-heck-am-I-crying-again pieces together. My body was in sensory overload and my personal reaction when it got pushed to its limits was to burst out crying. It’s kind of like pouring liquid into a full glass – the contents have to go somewhere so they spill over. My spillover automatic reflex was to start crying. For others it may have been a temper tantrum, aggression, acting out, walking away completely from the stimulus. My body needed to release emotion, needed to release pressure somehow and it chose crying. Just tilting my head back on certain days was shocking to my system – and I bawled.  My amazing physiotherapists helped me work through this and the reaction continued to lessen. But here is the thing:  I always felt better after. My body instinctively knew what it was doing. It loosened my system to help accept the new action, massaged and softened the response from my panicking nervous system. It helped my body by saying,”This is going to be difficult but we’re going to throw in a tool to make it easier.”

As I keep lovingly pushing my body to increasing levels of ability, I don’t flinch if I start to cry. And outside of that, I now welcome a good ole cry every once in a while. And not because it is an involuntary response, but because my soul needs to purge, to throw it all down on the table. To get it out there for examination. For reflection. Because my massive levels of frustration over the last few years justifies the release. Because it makes me a better person. Makes me stronger. Happier. More vibrant. It’s something natural, instinctual that society has quashed once we left childhood – especially in males. I look forward to sharing my life with a man that isn’t embarrassed to cry once in a while, that sees the benefits in this release – and sees no shame. For there should be no shame in crying for anyone.

Think about the value in crying, when someone is in mourning, what are the comments ofter heard? When someone delays their grief, doesn’t shed a tear, what do people often say?

You should cry. It’s good for you to let it all out.

I’m here for you. You can cry on my shoulder any time day or night.

Just let it out. You need to let it out.

Poor thing, she is only delaying the grieving process. This will catch up with her eventually.

She didn’t cry at all. I am really worried about her.

I have an empowering a-couple-of-times-a-year cry dialogue with a friend. The scenario could flip and be either one of us depending on the month or the year. It goes something like this:

I went to the lake today and just bawled. Left it all there. Felt great after. Lighter. Better. More refreshed.

Oh! Good for you! Wish I could have a good bawlfest right around now. I really need one.

I hope you do. It felt great. My brain is clear. My soul is clear. It opened up more room.

I am so jealous right now.

Don’t worry, when you need to bawl, you will.

What did you do after?

I went home and was so inspired and wrote all afternoon, jotted down tons of notes for a new project, reorganized my office, went to a yoga class, connected with an incredible new business contact and ….

Would you think it crazy, weird or wrong to get a much needed massage for your overworked body? Go to a yoga, Pilates or fitness class?  Treat your body well with a healthy meal or green smoothie?  Go to physiotherapy? Meditate to soothe your mind, body and soul? Go to a relaxing spa day? Spend a quiet day with an inspiring book? A good cry every once in a while is just as healthy as any of these options. Let’s flip the switch on how we look at this gift from our bodies.  Let’s see all the benefits it offers. Let’s honour animalistic traits that are a part of the human experience that have been suppressed when they should be viewed as natural – and necessary.

Welcome a good cry session every once in a while. Be thankful for the release.  Be thankful that your body is helping you out, keeping you on track, keeping you healthy. Embrace it and know there is nothing crazy, weird or wrong about it in any way.  It’s just a wonderful part of you.

 

 

 

 

44 Is Here: It’s My Magical Birthday!

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It’s my birthday tomorrow. The big 44. Power 4 to the 4. Bring it on 44. The number I dreamed about as a child. My fave number. As in 4+4=8=Infinity. My power year.  It’s also International No Diet Day.  I think it is positively delicious that this empowering day falls on my birthday every year and My Magical Birthday this May!  Lucky me!

I don’t know how it started…all I know is that on every sports team when I had a choice to pick a number, I would try to get 44. If it wasn’t available, I would try for 4, 8 or 16 – any version of 4-4 I could get my hands on. When something like a 17 or a 5 was available I wasn’t too thrilled. I’d grin and bear it all season while hoping and praying the next sport on my list would have a different set of number choices. Other girls would zero in on the colour of a shirt, I went for the number on it.

My entire life I have felt that my 44th year on this planet would be magical. I’d have everything in place – the perfect guy, the perfect career, house, you name it. My Magical Birthday would go down in Bora Bora or somewhere similar. A mystical astrologer even confirmed several years ago that my lifelong gut feeling that every aspect of my life would come into place in my 44th year. I left his place grinning.

I did not factor into my 44ness however,  several years of feeling like crap leading up to it. Or the amount of resources and frustration that would go into feeling better. Or the fact that walking, talking and simply being would become so difficult for so long. This was all not in The 44 Plan!

But I sit here today, one day before the Magical 44 Year begins, I am so energized, so grateful, so filled with love that my heart could burst. I never knew it was possible to sit in such sheer and utter gratitude. To be so happy. I am not in Bora Bora, not dating or married and my bathroom is being ripped apart in the room beside me and dust is everywhere. My house is a revamp disaster zone. And I am grinning. What gifts I have been given leading up to this day, this year, this new part of my life.  What magic exists in knowing, truly knowing, what is really important in life, what makes your heart soar, what makes your eyes sparkle and your soul wanna get up and dance.  What makes you sing at the top of your lungs in your car as amused drivers laugh beside you. That kind of happy.

Liis-on-Life-Magical-Birthday

I have had my old energy – the I-can-light-the-world-on-fire energy – this past month. My walking and everyday energy has been quite amazing for 30 days. Yesterday I had a quite a full day working with Inside the Dream, one of my fave organizations making change in the world and my system got taken to the limit from the activity.  And my walking and talking had moments of well, slightly wandering away. But I bounced back. And today I bounced back even more. There used to be no bounce back. I sit in gratitude for the bounce back. For when bounce back stretches into forever.

The past couple years leading up to My Magical Birthday, I went from envisioning where in the world I would be lavishly celebrating and with whom to simply wanting one thing:  Universe, please allow my brain to work. Please allow me to be creative again, be able to think and contribute to this planet. If my body won’t work, if I won’t be able to walk properly, if my arms will remain weak, please just allow my brain to work. Let it be connected to my heart and soul and be able tell stories, to be able to talk with people. To have meaningful experiences.  To make a difference even in some small way.

And today, my brain works. There is no better gift in the entire universe than having your brain work. To be able to think. Create. Brainstorm. Plot. Plan. Dream. Envision endless possibilities. Express who you really are.  Express who you want to be. Talk to the universe. THAT is truly magical. I don’t need to be in Bora Bora tomorrow to open up that gift!

Just so you know….I plan to rock The 44th (day,year, forever) like the ceiling can’t hold me , dance like everybody is watching because I don’t give a damn, and rock the hell out of getaways near and far.  I plan to sing loudly and most likely out of tune, smile and talk to strangers and go on adventures. And I will relish the act of thinking, creating and enjoying all the nuances of life I used to take for granted.  And I will walk and exercise because I can, not because I should or feel like I have to but because it is a thrill to have the privilege to do so.

Bring on the magic. Bring on the fun. Here’s to looking forward to birthdays the older we get and being excited to celebrate another year, to admire the laugh lines on our faces that means we have lived, loved and laughed. To appreciate the amazing gifts, abilities and qualities our bodies provide. Here is to having our cake and eating it too and celebrating International No Diet Day knowing our bodies are amazing works of art, masterpieces gradually lovingly receiving more beautiful touches of paint.  To living IN healthy and happy lifestyles not being ON diets we can fall off.

This is THE year.

The Magical Year.

The everything and anything is possible year.

Game on 44. Game on.

 

 

 

Sometimes You Just Need a Hug From Your Dad

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My dad can bust some seriously creative moves from the other side. I can always picture him grinning when he gets my attention. He passed away when I was 24 and has had some very unique ways of saying hello over the years.

Last year I was frustrated beyond belief trying to get better.  I would attend my gentle Pilates class and fight back tears the entire time while trying to hold limbs in place – my legs would literally plummet to the floor if I didn’t hold them up with both hands while wrapping my fingers around folds of my leggings. These are moves I had mastered years before. It didn’t help at the time that a symptom of my gluten ataxia was actually bursting out crying because my nervous system was overwhelmed. It is really exhausting when you are trying to get better but everything you attempt only seems to make matters worse.

In my frustration, like a little girl, I just really wanted my dad to be there to make things better.  Wanted my dad there for me to feel little and protected. Wanted him to say and do “dad” things. I knew he couldn’t fix my situation but even just patting me on the head and saying,”I love you kiddo. Everything is going to be ok,” would have filled my cup. I found myself repeating for several days,”Dad, please come say hi. Give me a hug somehow. I know you are always with me, but right now I really need something concrete I can hold onto.  I love you and need you right now. Show me something tangible.”

After a couple days of talking to my dad in my head and out loud, I headed to the same Pilates class I had attended at a community centre for years, and went to put my mat down as per usual. I always snag the corner spot on a big, colourful children’s play mat. I like the extra cushioning and the space.  For the first time ever, there was a children’s book smack dab in the middle of my mat. I bent down to see what it said and burst out crying – this time out of amazement and wonder – not a messy ataxia cry. I quickly turned to face the wall pretending I was straightening out my mat as people trickled into the room.  The book was open to this page and these words:

Liis on Life Sometimes You Just Need a Hug From Your Dad

Sometimes You Just Need a Hug From Your Dad – I Love You by Ellen Lescoat

 

And I flipped to the front of the book to see this title…

Liis on Life Sometimes You Just Need a Hug From Your Dad

Sometimes You Just Need a Hug From Your Dad – I Love You by Ellen Lescoat

I tried to keep my emotions in check. I had the biggest grin on my face as big, fat tears plopped on my Pilates mat.  And in that class, it didn’t matter that my limbs were in pain and flailing everywhere. It didn’t matter that my brain wasn’t sending the right signals to my tremoring body parts. I grinned through every move even if I was “mastering” 1/10 of it. I had tears in my eyes not from frustration but from sheer joy. My dad was with me. Watching over me. Will always be with me.  And I can’t think of a more beautiful way for my dad to say hi and get my attention. Books are magical to me. Always have been. Always will be.

Some people choose not to believe their loved ones say hi from the other side. Coincidence, fluke, they claim.  I say this is really quite a shame because there is beautiful energy being shared, hugs being sent through dimensions.  Incoming flying hugs as I like to call them! I will take the hugs gratefully thank you very much without having to ask any questions, without having to know how or why it all works. And smile. And laugh. And be grateful. And bask in the good energy. Thanks Dad. I love you too.  xo